I recently attended the Buffalo Sabres vs. Tampa Bay Lightning game at the First Niagara Center on October 8th, 2013. I love sporting events. I have Buffalo Bills season tickets and I'm not one to turn down an opportunity to go to a Sabres game if the opportunity presented itself. At the same time, I do love relaxing and watching sporting events on my couch, alone and far away from other people. The direct reason for this is because at sporting events, I just cant stand some of the people that populate the stands around me.
The Kissing Couple
When I saw Iron Man 2, there was a couple in front of me that kissed 50x throughout the movie, no lie. I was getting furious. They didn't watch any of the movie. I tried to ignore them but I just couldn't. I just couldn't understand why they wouldn't save the $20, stay home and engage in Private Display of Affection instead of Public Display of Affection.
I thought that couple was bad, but looking back, at least the theater was dark, so I'll give them that. The couple in front of me at the Sabres game was worse. They were sitting directly in front of me and they kissed well over 100x. They didn't watch any of the game. There wasn't one time that they looked at each other and didn't kiss. They had their arms around each other, they took a dozen of pictures, with me most likely in the background of every one of them, with an exhausted, disgusted look on my face. They were exchanging phones, probably checking each others inbox's to make sure they weren't texting other people.
When they stood up at the end of the game, I was shocked that they weren't attached at the hip. Man were they annoying. I could do without the kissing couple at sporting events, that's for sure.
The First Date Couple
This leads me to 'The First Date Couple'. I've been there before so I can't criticize these people too much. I think we've all been there before, on a first date in public, whether at a restaurant, the movies, etc. This type of couple is easy to spot and if you are within earshot, you can confirm it quite easily. They're getting to know each other, talking about the third party that set them up, often coming back to this person because it's the only common ground they have. Finally the game starts, the girl asks a question, and whether she's 'playing dumb' or she genuinely has no idea what's going on, it's time for my favorite sports fan to show up.
The guy tries to impress the girl, telling her about the sport, who everyone is and the play-by-play as if he's on a date with Hellen Keller and she can't see the ice herself. The best part about this guy is that he's wrong about 75% of the things that comes out of his mouth. I just sit there, correcting everything in my head that he says incorrectly and laugh to myself at the thought of the girl actually know what's going on and her correcting the same things in her head.
The Obnoxious, Wanna-Be Coach
This guy is the worst. He can be found at sporting events but can also be found at bars too. He was the male in the 'First Date Couple' and was sitting directly behind me. This is commonly known as the "Shoot!" guy. Whenever the Lightning took a shot on net, he yelled "Save it!" and when the Sabres retrieved the puck in their own zone, he shouted "Go!". When the Sabres successfully made it into the offensive zone, he would scream "Shoot!". This obnoxious sports fan usually shows up during the Powerplays but this specific fan didn't care whether the Sabres were even strength, shorthanded or up a man. When they crossed into the offensive zone with the puck, this asshole wanted the Sabres to shoot as if the Lightning goaltender was incompetent and would let in every shot on net.
"Shoot!", "Shoot it!!", "Put it on net!", "What are you waiting for!?", "SLAPSHOT!!", "Come on!".
He sighed in disgust whenever the Sabres attempted a pass, baffled that they didn't listen to him and take the shot on net when there was guaranteed goal to be scored, in his mind at least. When the Sabres finally took a shot on net, he felt that they did so because he demanded them to do it. I know I wasn't the only who wanted this guy to shut up.
This is the type of guy who NEVER played organized hockey, never laced up a pair of skates but played modified floor hockey in 8th grade, was the captain on the worst team, scored one goal and swore ever since then that he should be behind an NHL bench coaching multi-million dollar athletes.
If you are this guy and you yell shoot, more than once a game, go fuck yourself. You are 'that guy' and no one likes that guy. NHL goalies are not incompetent, you can't just cross the blue line on a 1 on 3, shoot the puck and score. When your team finally does shoot and score, I can assure you, it isn't because of you. You yelled 'shoot' so many times that, unless your team gets shutout, you are sure to be right at least once.
The Bandwagon Fan & The Eternal Pessimist
These go hand in hand. This type of fan bashes the home team the whole game despite being decked out in home team gear. This guy has a Sabres hat on, a Sabres jersey and probably Sabres socks on. He bashes the coach, the players, their prospects, their history. The difference between the bandwagon fan and the eternal pessimist is that the bandwagon fan will take a break from the negativity when the Sabres score. He would say how Player A sucks but when that player scores, he swears that player is his favorite player and was all along. If the opponents score, the fan goes back to hating on the Sabres. This is the type of guy you try avoid high five'ing when your are celebrating a goal.
The eternal pessimist is the type of person who just bashed the home team from beginning to end like his ex-wife left him for one of the players on the team or as if he put a lot of money on them 10 years ago, lost the bet and he's still in debt because of it. You catch yourself wondering why this guy spent money on a ticket to come here and be so miserable the whole time? The Sabres could win and he's still not happy, saying they got lucky or the other team was tired from playing the night before and traveling a dozen states away in the dark of the night. You wouldn't catch a high-five from this guy if the home team clinched a playoff spot on his birthday in double OT.
The Drunk Guy
There are a lot of variations of this guy. There are some really cool drunk guys who just have a blast. There are some who get so drunk, they don't know where they are and inevitably fall down the stairs at one point in the night, face first and they don't mind because they're so drunk they don't feel it. This guy usually starts the chants, will get in a fight and yell at the players from the last row in the 300's convinced that they can hear him.
The Wave Guy
This guy one section over was so determined to get 'The Wave' going. He turned his back to the ice, stood up and talked the whole section next to him, our section, to participate. The play was going on, it was bad timing for this type of thing but he was so determined. I threw my hands in the air, but two sections over, it fizzled, every damn time. Screw you Section 319. This guy just wanted to be a part of something bigger. I hope this guy can make his way to the ocean one day, tiptoe into the water, demand the biggest wave and get his wish.
These were the type of people I encountered tonight at a professional hockey game, within 6 rows of me, within in a three hour span. Have you experienced these types of people in any arenas, stadiums or bars? What type of people do you love/hate the most at professional sporting events? Leave a comment and let me know!
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